Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: The thing that makes solamente polyamory work with me

Clear communication. We choose not to ever get extremely emotionally spent or else profoundly involved in those who can’t or won’t communicate obviously, really and forthrightly about their demands, wishes, boundaries, emotions, intercourse, and health that is sexual. Or whom can’t locate a real means to concentrate freely if you ask me whenever I need certainly to communicate these exact things. I need clear answers — and I will keep asking until I get that clarity when I ask important questions.

We don’t do lukewarm or ambivalent

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We just remain intimately, romantically, or emotionally thinking about enthusiasts whom behave with me or otherwise connect with me like they are attracted to me, appreciate me, and enjoy my company enough to put forth some effort to spend time. And whom don’t seem to be notably ambivalent or conflicted about their participation beside me. This is applicable for casual and periodic connections along with much much deeper ongoing relationships. We don’t need (or desire) nonstop intense attention; but an excessive amount of ambivalence, diffidence or passivity turn me off time that is big. And also this applies to circumstances where a lover that is potential appear to sound a viewpoint, make plans, or come to a decision without constantly checking with another person first for authorization; ambivalence rooted in too little autonomy turns me personally down just as much as ambivalence rooted in too little interest or effort.

Safer intercourse. I completely enjoy safer intercourse, with condoms as well as other practices as appropriate. Unbarriered penetrative sex (“fluid bonding“) will not significantly increase my real pleasure or psychological satisfaction, nor does it denote such a thing unique about my relationships. I’ve discovered my relationships are easier, safer and less drama-prone when I’m in line with all lovers about safer intercourse. Speaking about intimate likes, desires, and wellness is a vital (and enjoyable!) element of that procedure. Additionally, once I don’t feel i must surveil or micromanage my partners’ (and their partners’) intercourse everyday lives, that can help all of us relax – and therefore have better intercourse. Consequently i go for condoms for vaginal and rectal intercourse (the actions that could express the risk that is greatest in my opinion), and I also keep in touch with lovers to gauge other risks/circumstances and adjust as required.

In rare circumstances i might choose to have unbarriered intercourse sometimes or regularly with a certain partner — but as long as we’ve been utilizing condoms for some time, and I’m satisfied that their STI status/testing, behavior, and character warrant this level of trust. And in addition when we agree at the start that time for utilizing condoms wouldn’t be regarded as manhunt men gay web downgrading our psychological closeness or sexual connection. Partners whom need no condoms to be able to feel emotionally near if you ask me, or even to enjoy intercourse after all, aren’t intimately suitable for me personally.

Preserve autonomy

My autonomy is key to me personally. I make an effort to just simply simply simply take lovers and metamours into consideration, and I also have always been frequently affected by them, but i am going to maybe not alter myself entirely to accommodate them. Nor am I going to enable other people the energy to accept, constrain or veto my choices, including those involving other people to my relationships. I am going to perhaps maybe maybe not immediately follow anyone problems that are else’s tastes, biases, priorities, worries, or grudges. Nor am I going to cave directly into shame trips, acting away, manipulation, or any other pressure that is similar at changing or managing me personally.

Integrity and obligation. We don’t assist people cheat, and We don’t take part in don’t-ask-don’t tell plans. If I’m dating somebody who possesses main partner (or current significant non-primary lovers), I’d frequently want to verify with those current lovers that their relationship is definitely actually start before things have more involved than a couple of times. (i favor to make it to understand my metamours, anyhow.) Additionally, we will maybe maybe maybe not lie to a metamour to be able to protect someone.